The Overly Bonded Mother Wound.
At least that’s what Robert Lewis, pastor and head of Men’s Fraternity, calls it when a mother and son have a relationship that gets in the way of a marriage. It’s when a mother wants to coddle her son even though he’s far outgrown his need for that. It’s when the son asks the mom for approval or advice before he asks his wife. It’s when decisions are made by placing a priority on the original family rather than the new family of husband and wife.
The most difficult part about this issue: The wound and problems are masked in love and kindness. Robert Lewis describes it like a paper cut – it’s a wound that can go deep, but it’s often hard to notice.
Though it was never a huge problem, I had to deal with these issues early on in my marriage. I love my mom. However, she found it hard for me to leave the US and start a new relationship with my wife Kristin in Hong Kong. Fortunately, that’s what really helped – moving away. By physically leaving the country, we were able to create a natural separation that provided the freedom we needed to become our own family unit.
The difficult part now is that we’re returning to the US after five years. Hopefully nothing will be dredged up and come between us. By recognizing the possibility now, I think I’m ready for whatever might come as Kristin and I prepare for our new adventure.