Here are some good questions for me to answer today:
- How deliberate am I about making sure my wife’s needs are met?
- Am I overly concerned about Kristin fulfilling my needs?
- Am I owning up to my own faults?
- Can Kristin say that I wronged her or wounded her in any way and never made it right?
The point of me answering these questions is to learn to take responsibility. Responsibility for my wrongful actions. Responsibility for my wrongful omissions. Responsibility to learn from my mistakes and change my future behavior.
As I thought about this, the love dare book reminded me to keep something in mind as I did: “This doesn’t mean you’re always wrong and your spouse is always right. This is not a demand that you become a doormat…Part of taking responsibility is admitting when you’ve failed and asking for forgiveness.”
Today I took the time to reflect and ask God for forgiveness and the strength to be a better husband. I know that I regularly make mistakes and have a lot to learn. I know that I’ll have to consistently work on this aspect of our relationship. Fortunately, I couldn’t come up with something that Kristin and I haven’t addressed. We’re pretty good about discussing our problems soon after they arise, and I hope this will always be a trademark of the way we handle conflict.
Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God.
1 Peter 5:5
Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”
But Peter and the apostles answered, “We must obey God rather than men.”
I’ve been struggling to obey authority. However, it’s NOT because I don’t WANT to obey authority. I don’t have some special desire to seek the destruction of institutions, nor am I an anarchist. Rather, I have trouble obeying authority when there is a conflict of interests and a lack of respect for the person I’m supposed to submit to. I really want to see my boss lead with a spirit of humility, just as Jesus did when He washed His disciples’ feet.
But I think that’s only part of the problem.
light will shine
I know that I’m part of a human institution, and because of that there will always be conflict. I’m human. I’m sinful. Therefore, part of the problem is within me. I have some soul-searching to do in the very near future, and I hope that I can come to terms with my role and youth ministry position within my church. I need God to help heal the deep struggles in my heart.
Hopefully, a light will shine and pierce the darkness within and without…